


From Someone Who Wants to Be Loved By You

by the_genderman



Series: My 2018 MCU Kink Bingo Fics [11]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anal Fingering, Enthusiastic Consent, Erectile Dysfunction, Explicit Consent, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, M/M, MCU Kink Bingo, Prostate Massage, Touch-Starved, Touching, soft and happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-13 06:09:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15357966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_genderman/pseuds/the_genderman
Summary: It’s been a long, slow road back to intimacy for Bucky. It’s been difficult, but absolutely worth it. Slightly canon divergent, set a bit after CA:TWS. For the MCU Kink Bingo square “Explicit Consent.”





	From Someone Who Wants to Be Loved By You

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from the Fever Ray song “When I Grow Up.”

Steve wakes slowly, becoming aware of a presence in the room with him. He reaches out to switch on the lamp on his nightstand. When the light comes on, he sees Bucky leaning up against the doorframe, just watching him.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Steve asks gently. He pulls back the blanket and makes room for Bucky. He’s glad he sprang for the king sized bed. Even when Bucky can’t handle being touched, sometimes he still likes to be close, so they each take a side of the bed, comfortable in knowing the other is there. 

Bucky shakes his head no and pads over to the bed. He climbs in next to Steve, meeting his eyes, but keeping him an arm’s length away.

“Can I touch you?” Bucky asks quietly. His voice still has a bit of a rough edge from years of disuse.

“Of course,” Steve replies with a soft smile. He doesn’t move, letting Bucky be the one to initiate contact.

Bucky reaches out slowly with his right hand, letting the backs of his fingers just graze over Steve’s cheek, feeling the stubble of a long few days.

“Do you mind if I turn the light off?” Steve asks.

Bucky shakes his head no, fingers lingering on Steve’s cheek for a few extra seconds before he pulls his hand back.

Steve sees Bucky’s mouth quirk into a smile before the darkness settles back over the room.

\-------------------

The sound of popping slows, then finally stops. There’s a soft shoof of popcorn being poured into a bowl, and then Steve is back in the living room, two heaping bowls of popcorn in his hands. He sits down on the couch next to Bucky and hands him a bowl, which he takes with a nod of thanks. Steve turns off the lights. Bucky picks up the remote and starts the movie.

Steve finishes his popcorn and glances over at Bucky in the darkened room. His face looks calm, but Steve can feel an undercurrent of nervous energy. Bucky’s set his half-eaten popcorn bowl aside and he’s got one elbow up over the back of the couch, his other hand resting on his thigh. His fingers are splayed out over his jeans. There’s tension in his tendons; his fingers dig into his leg.

Steve immediately scoots closer to Bucky. Almost close enough for their thighs to touch, but not quite. He holds out his hand, hovering it over Bucky’s.

“Can I touch you?” Steve asks with a quiet smile.

Bucky’s eyes dart over to Steve, noting his body language, relaxed and easy. The position of his hand, waiting, but ready to withdraw if asked. Bucky’s hand unclenches. He inhales, holds the breath, and breathes out slowly, exhaling some of the stress he’s carrying.

“You can,” Bucky replies, smiling back at Steve. His smile is small but warm, showing in his eyes.

Steve clasps Bucky’s hand in his, palm to palm, fingers entwined. He can feel Bucky gradually relax and gives him a quick, supportive squeeze.

\-------------------

“Can I touch you?” Bucky asks quietly as he finishes his ice cream, placing the spoon down into his sundae bowl with a little click.

“Of course,” Steve replies. His feet are already tangled with Bucky’s under the small table in the back corner of the ice cream parlor, so Bucky must mean something else. He’s been getting bolder and more comfortable with public contact lately, even going so far as to hold hands with Steve nearly the whole time as they meandered through the Met last weekend.

Bucky shifts in his chair. He ducks his head and his hand goes up automatically to tuck a strand of hair that’s come loose back behind his ear. He leans in, looking up and meeting Steve’s eyes from under his brows. Steve give him a smile and a slight nod of encouragement.

“I wanna kiss you,” Bucky says, just loud enough for Steve to hear. “Right here, where people can see us. I don’t wanna be afraid anymore. I want to prove that I can, that I’m not afraid. That they didn’t break me all the way through. That I’m finding my cracks and patching them up, and I can be _human_ again and do all the normal little things humans do. Can I kiss you?”

“Yes please,” Steve replies and leans in.

Bucky meets him halfway across the little table. His lips are still a little cold from his ice cream, but warm quickly as he deepens the kiss. Steve can taste marshmallow and maraschino in his mouth. Then, almost as soon as it began, Bucky pulls back and the kiss is over. There’s a spot of color on his cheekbones.

“Can we do that again?” he asks almost shyly.

“Of course,” Steve says, lifting a hand to cup Bucky’s jaw, fingers barely grazing the skin. Bucky doesn’t pull away or even flinch. Steve leans in and Bucky’s lips meet his again.

\----------------------

“You ready?” Steve asks, sprawling out on his back across the middle of his and Bucky’s bed.

“I think so,” Bucky replies on the tail end of a nervous, but determined, huff of breath. He climbs onto the bed and swings one leg over Steve’s torso. He kneels high over him, leaving plenty of room between their bodies and Steve’s hard cock.

“Can I touch you?” Steve asks.

Bucky nods, then finds his words. “Yes. Yes, you can touch me.”

Steve places his hands on Bucky’s legs and slowly slides them up his thighs to his hips. His thumbs make little circles over his iliac crests. One of Bucky’s hands combs down through his pubic hair, middle and ring fingers framing his still-soft cock. The other clutches the little bottle of lube like a talisman.

“You tell me if I do anything you don’t like, ok?” Steve says. “I mean it, _anything_. You tell me to stop, I’ll stop, no questions.”

“Ok,” Bucky nods. “Keep going, please.”

Steve grins up at him. His hands slide back to cup Bucky’s ass, gently separating his cheeks. “You like this?” he asks as he squeezes.

“I do,” Bucky answers. He ghosts his fingers over his cock, hoping to get a reaction out of it. He hopes Steve won’t read it as disinterest or, worse, distaste. He wants this, he really does. He wants Steve to touch him. He wants Steve to touch him _like this_. He wants to feel Steve on him, _inside_ him. He wants this.

“What about this? Do you like this?” Steve asks, one hand coming back around to fondle Bucky’s cock and balls. Steve’s fingers stroke softly down the shaft. 

“I do,” Bucky replies. “Know what else I’d like?” 

“What’s that?” Steve drawls, grinning wickedly.

Bucky grins and brings the lube bottle down where Steve can see it and pops the top open. “Give me your finger, please.”

Steve pulls his hand back a little reluctantly from Bucky’s cock and holds it up for him, palm towards himself, fingers splayed out. Bucky folds down all but his middle finger.

“Isn’t that a little rude?” he jokes as Bucky lubes his finger up.

“Way I see it, you’re telling me to get fucked, and I’m taking you up on your kind offer,” Bucky jokes back. He finishes lubing Steve’s finger and closes his eyes, preparing himself for the penetration.

Bucky bites his lip and whines as Steve’s finger circles around his rim, slowly, slowly working him open. He gives a full-on moan when Steve finally breaches him and immediately begins teasing his prostate. His cock gives a half-hearted twitch, then stills again.

“Is everything ok? Can you check in with me? Do you want me to stop or keep going?” Steve asks, concern bleeding into his tone.

“Keep going, please, but maybe just stick with the finger tonight,” Bucky says. “I’m second guessing going all the way, but I promise I’m enjoying what we’re doing. I just… can’t always get hard anymore, especially with penetration. Still feels good when I touch myself, though.”

“Like this?” Steve asks with a soft smile as he moves his free hand from Bucky’s buttock to his cock, petting it as he continues massaging his prostate.

“Mmm, exactly like that.” 

“Good. And I don’t need anything you’re not comfortable with. I love you no matter what.”

Steve lavishes his attention on Bucky, giving his cock the same amount of care soft as he does when it’s hard. Whispering little reassurances that he still loves it just as much and that there’s no shame in not being able to get hard. That there’s still plenty they can do together.

Like a good, long prostate massage. Bucky gasps and gives a full body shudder as the sensation builds to a spilling over point. “Oh, I’m gonna… I’m gonna come.”

“That’s right,” Steve murmurs slowly, stroking him through it. “That’s good. Come for me.”

On Steve’s pronouncement, Bucky cries out as the orgasm breaks over him. His cock twitches a little, dribbling into Steve’s hand. Steve waits until Bucky’s eyes flutter open again, then brings his hand to his mouth and licks the come off his palm. Bucky smirks down at him, swings his leg back over, and lies down beside Steve.

“Can I touch you?” Bucky asks, hovering his hand over Steve’s cock.

“Of course you may,” Steve answers, smiling back at Bucky.


End file.
